Pulse
by TheNobodyofaSOLDIER
Summary: [Eld x Sick!Reader]


One beat at a time.

One step further.

Breathe.

Your squad was safe. That was all the mattered. Now, you had to save yourself. You bolted through the remains of the city, evading the twelve meter beast grabbing for you. Sharp pains spiked from your lower back to your neck with each jerk from your gear. You didn't doubt your skills: you trained hard and took your place as a Squad leader. No, it wasn't that at all:

Your heart was giving out.

With a desperate cry, you dug the wires into the Titan's shoulder. This enabled you to close in and dig your blades into the nape of its neck. Its roar boomed through the demolished city.

Just a little longer.

Don't give up on me now.

As you landed, your legs quivered, nearly giving out. Every breath burned your dried throat. Every heart beat bruised your chest.

Almost there. Almost to safety.

You ran. You ran with every ounce of strength left. The smoke burned your eyes, and the smell violated your nostrils. You dodged piece of homes, crumbling to the ground, completely charred.

You felt nothing but the throbbing weight behind your chest.

Just a little longer.

God, it hurts so much.

With one more shallow breath, you fell to your knees, trembling violently. Your pulse slowed down, down, down until your body decreased in temperature little by little. Clutching the fabric of your shirt, you withered to the floor, fighting for one breath, one breath that would send life back into your core, the fuel it required to restart your body once again.

You still had yet to escape.

You pounded your chest, hoping the shockwaves would start yourself up again. Your eyes began to dim, and fatigue hit you like a ton of breaks.  
I am going to die, you thought.

So far were you sinking into a painful darkness, you failed to notice the sharp whirs of other 3D Gears right above you.

"[Name], you shit head!"

"Levi?" your voice cracked.

"Titan, on the right!"

"[Name]! Don't you dare die!"

The familiar cries of Levi's Squad as well as your own faded and muffled in your failing ears as you slipped away.

I...I don't want to die.

"[Name]...[Name]...Hey, you brat, wake up!"

Though distant, you still heard the harsh voice of Captain Levi slowly but surely dragged you back to reality. As you became more aware of your surroundings, you noted the foggy light from the sun piercing your tired eyes. Though you sensed the heaviness of languor pinning your limbs to the warm sheets, you focused on the pain in your chest as your heart worked its hardest to make up for the oxygen you lost. Damn, you were tired. Just opening your eyes took more effort in this moment than falling a Titan on any other day. Sure enough, Levi hovered over you, and as soon as he spotted the whites of your eyes, he flicked your forehead.

"Gah, Captain, wah-"

"I ought to kick you out," he grumbled. "I told you to watch yourself, to let your Squad handle at least one of the damn Titans. And whaddya do? You go and practically kill yourself."

You sighed. "Captain, there was a surprise attack. A twelve and thirteen meter. I had to-"

He flicked your head again, earning a yelp from you. "You can't go babying your Squad. If they can't learn, they're gonna eventually get theirs. You will too," then, he sharply exhaled. "Know your limits, [Name.] You're not a fucking super human. You're a girl who can't push yourself as hard as the others."

You lowered your gaze. "I know that..."

He took your chin and forced you to look at him again. His pale eyes, though harsh, exhibited nothing but concern. "If I had my way, you wouldn't even be here. But, you aren't a shitty fighter and a decent leader, I'll give you that much. But, if you keep ignoring your condition and die, I'll bring you back to life and kill you again."

Despite your annoyance, you couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind."

With a quiet grunt in reply, he turned a heal and exited the infirmary, allowing you to rest.

Yes, you knew he was right. You were born with a weak heart, but you wanted to desperately to serve Humanity, to fight for something that your late family so firmly believed in, you always seemed to forget that. You always wanted to think that the courage residing within you made up for its lack in physical strength, but anytime you felt the least bit dizzy after overexerting yourself, these intangible qualities were easily forgotten.

You breathed carefully, deliberately, making sure you could feel your chest rise and your lungs fill with that precious air. The center on which your entire body ran quickened just a little, excited at this simple motion that brought so much life. Your ribs ached from the bruises you received that day as they expanded. That didn't matter however.

You were alive.

"[Name]?" came a soft, familiar voice.

You broke from your trance. At the archway, peeking behind the curtain stood Eld Jinn, scrutinizing you with concerned eyes. He approached your bedside and took a seat next to your legs. Clearing your throat, you awkwardly shifted under his gaze.

You and Eld trained together at the same time, in the same group of cadets. You shared similar goals and dreams. You sparred one another. You sat together in the dining hall. You sat out in the hallways, talking into the long hours of the morning on those nights riddled with nightmares and restlessness.

Breathing slowly out of his nose, the blonde man pushed a lock of your hair behind your ear. He was one of the few that knew about your condition. Much like the Captain, he watched you. Whenever you wavered just the slightest, he ran beside you to drape your arm over his shoulder. He carried you to your room if you fainted as discretely as possible. You loved that about him. Not only did he take your weak heart into consideration but your pride. He knew that you wanted to remain strong for your comrades and was determined to keep it that way.

"Eld," you said almost in a whisper. "Does anyone-?"  
"No," he replied. "You passed out. No one would necessarily make the connection."

"Ah, right," you nodded, uncomfortably tugging at a lock of your hair.

He reached in and softly took your chin in his hands. On the training grounds, he fought with you and roughed you up as he would one of the male cadets. But, in more personal situations, he treated you so delicately. Normally, this would irritate you, as you wanted to be equal with the other soldiers and still recognized your talents and strength. But, Eld did. He accepted everything about you.

He simply conformed to your needs at the given moment.

If only you listened to him. If only you listened to Levi. Perhaps you wouldn't come out in such ghastly state. But, you were too damn stubborn. You made your decisions and acted on them. You have been that way ever since you met, and frankly, he loved that. You never expected special treatment. You never wanted it. You worked your hardest. You reached your goals.

Still, the frailness of your heart was something he could not ignore, and as much as you hated to admit it, you couldn't either.

"[Name,]" he said again. "I'm glad you try so hard but-'

"Yeah, yeah," you brushed his hand away. "Captain Levi already had this talk with me. Pay attention to body. Don't overdo it. I get it. But, it was chaos out there. My Squad lost their form, and there were two twelve meters," you slammed your palms to your face.

Eld sighed and lightly shook his head. "I understand that. But," the sound suddenly caught in his throat. "I really thought you were gone. For a second there, you weren't even breathing."

Your hands fell in your lap. Taking you by surprise, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you close. He hugged you once before back in your training days on a day like this: once again, you overworked yourself, and your heart strained desperately to revitalize your body. The pains in your chest spread from the center throughout your entire body. His touch soothed the solitude at least. Swallowing back a sob, you pressed your cheek against him, savoring his scent.

Gently, he pressed a calloused thumb under the base of your jaw. Your eyes widened at the contact, but you remained frozen in this position.

"Eld," you murmured. "What are you doing?"

He chuckled. "This was how I found out you were still alive. It was faint but...it was enough."

You smiled and kissed the tips of his fingers.  
"I know your condition worries you day in and day out," he continued now stroking the back of your hair. "But, you have just enough to let me know how you feel."

Indeed, your pulse quickened at his words. Again, he returned his thumb to its place.

He chuckled. "Ah, see?"

"S-stop it!"

You lightly batted his hand away, blushing furiously, and Eld's laugh increased in volume.

Despite this one flaw that you often hated, you knew he was right. Your pulse was the only sign you needed to communicate your feelings without having to speak at all.


End file.
